Someone else knows what David is really like. He knows his strengths and his weakness. That person is Joab. He realised that David longed to see Absalom, so he hatched a plan (v1-11). He sent for a reputed wise woman from Tekoa. He told her to act she was in mourning and go to the king and tell him that she was in deep distress about the death of her husband. She was to plead with the king for her sons both of whom had a fight in the field and since there was no one to stop them one of them was killed. Joab told her to say that the rest of the family were demanding, “Let us have your son so that we can execute him for killing his brother, he doesn’t deserve an inheritance from his family’s property.” She was also to say, “They want to extinguish the only coal I have left, and my husband’s name and family will disappear from the face of the earth.”
Joab was an enigma; on one hand he was a typical hard-nosed soldier who thought nothing about killing and yet he had a soft spot and a great regard for David’s feelings. He knew of David’s love for his children especially Absalom. Joab himself went to look for Absalom. He knew that Absalom was a dangerous threat to David, especially being away in that he could be planning to attack. He is shrewd and he had probably heard of Nathan’s method to David.
David, if nothing else is consistent, on hearing the woman’s story, he treats the woman exactly as he did man in Nathan’s story. David assures the woman that he will give orders to deal with the situation. “As The LORD lives not one hair of your son shall fall to the ground” (v11).David was, in fact, ignoring justice in this case. “He guaranteed safety at the expense of justice, and immediately the farsighted woman captured him in her trap.” (Alan Redpath).
The woman then applied the situation to David and Absalom (v12-17) suggesting that he is willing to pardon the guilty son in the story but not his son Absalom. Absalom was a popular individual and considered by many, to be a threat to David and his kingdom. Therefore, he should bring him back and pardon him for the safety of the people.
David senses that these are not solely her words but someone else is behind it. He asked her plainly, ‘Is this Joab’s doing?’ she honestly answered that it was. She added that she considered that the king was wise enough to know the whole situation (v18-20).
Joab got what he wanted, and David sent him to bring Absalom back. However, there was a ’but’ – he must stay in his own house and not see the king’s face (v21-24). David had been careless in his disciplining of his children, he had not punished Amnon, but now he goes to the other extreme of not allowing Absalom to see him. We must be careful and be consistent in the discipline of our children. One of the big problems is favouritism, it can be a killer. Over- discipline is as bad as overindulgence. We can be guilty of provoking children to wrath (Ephesians 6:4). We do our children a great disservice, and even injury, by inconsistent discipline – too hard, too soft.
Absalom was brought back, but in the interest of the kingdom his punishment was not wholly removed. He was not allowed to see his father and did not see him for two years.
We have a remarkable picture of Absalom, evidently a handsome man of physical perfection, he was a stunner (v25-27). I suppose that this was why he was so popular. He had his hair cut every year, he was so vain he weighed the hair which had been cut off, and it weighed the equivalent of five and a half pounds weight. I know the feeling, but the difference is, I can count mine, not worth weighing!! (This is significant for his hair eventually proved his downfall.)
Absalom had three sons and a daughter, whom he named Tamar, and she was very beautiful. (Coincidence or not?) Maybe he named her after his beloved sister! This may seem confusing because later (18:18) he said, “I have no son to keep my name in remembrance.” However, it’s possible they had died, we are not told. The Amplified Bible note suggests that Absalom considered his three unnamed sons unfit to rule, but more likely they had predeceased him.
Absalom named his daughter Tamar, presumably after his sister. Maybe the name was common, or he had a great affection for his sister, so he named his daughter after her because she was also beautiful. We are not told who Absalom‘s wife was, although being so handsome he may even have had many lovers. It can only be assumed his sons died young; however, he did have a granddaughter. I assume the daughter of Tamar, her name was Maachah, and she became the favourite wife of Rehoboam, King of Israel. (2 Chronicles 11:20,21)
Having been in his house in Jerusalem for two years and not seeing his father, despite when on the run his father longing to see his son, Absalom sent twice for Joab for him to take him to his father, but Joab never came. He had to get Joab’s attention, so he sent his servants to set Joab’s field on fire. Naturally it worked, and Joab came. Absalom
said that he might as well be back in Geshur and be here and not be reconciled to his father. The reason for their estrangement was the difference between David and Absalom. David had repented whereas Absalom had not. Absalom asks for restoration but shows no repentance. It was more a demand – “Restore me or kill me.” (v32).
There were several sides to Absalom’s character. He was obviously a sympathetic man as we have just seen. He was daring, or we might more aptly describe him as a daredevil. (v28-32). Absalom showed his confident side and his ruthless side, or brutal and amoral side.
Joab took Absalom to his father, the king and Absalom bowed down to David and David kissed him (v33). Repentance must come from the sinner. Whilst it is absolutely necessary for restoration and forgiveness it must come voluntarily. David didn’t and couldn’t force it from his son and in a way, it appears that he sidestepped it, to the detriment of all.
